“Gratitude is not a passive response to something we have been given, gratitude arises from paying attention, from being awake in the presence of everything that lives within and without and beside us. Gratitude is not necessarily something that is shown after the event, it is the deep, a-priori state of attention that shows we understand and are equal to the gifted nature of life.
Gratitude is the understanding that many millions of things must come together and live together and mesh together and breathe together in order for us to take even one more breath of air, that the underlying gift of life and incarnation as a living, participating human being is a privilege; that we are miraculously, part of something, rather than nothing. Even if that something is temporarily pain or despair, we inhabit a living world, with real faces, real voices, laughter, the color blue, the green of the fields, the freshness of a cold wind, or the tawny hue of a winter landscape….
Thankfulness finds its full measure in generosity of presence, both through participation and witness. We sit at the table as part of every other person’s world while making our own world without will or effort, this is what is extraordinary and gifted, this is the essence of gratefulness, seeing to the heart of privilege. Thanksgiving happens when our sense of presence meets all other presences. Being unappreciative might mean we are simply not paying attention.” – David Whyte
Angeles Arrien says there are several words that arise repeatedly when discussing gratitude, all of which reflect states that are related to it. While gratitude is both a feeling and an attitude, thankfulness is the demonstrative expression of it, whether extended to ourselves or others. We can express thanks in words—spoken or written—or in deeds, by extending time, resources, or gifts to support people in unexpected ways or to help those in need. Appreciation is the recognition of that which makes us feel grateful, and can also be expressed internally or externally.
Gratitude often ignites acts of generosity; we are moved to offer ourselves to others without expecting anything in return. People refer to generous acts that are freely given as “royal generosity.” These are just a few of the qualities related to gratitude. The expression of gratitude creates an opening that invites many other positive states and experiences into our lives.
The Latin root of the word gratitude is grata or gratia – a given gift – and from this same root we get our word grace, which means a gift freely given that is unearned.
Gratefulness is the inner gesture of giving meaning to our life by receiving life as gift.
Gratitude is a feeling that spontaneously emerges from within. However, it is not simply an emotional response; it is also a choice we make. We can choose to be grateful, or we can choose to be ungrateful—to take our gifts and blessings for granted. As a choice, gratitude is an attitude or disposition. As writer Alexis de Tocqueville once described it, gratitude is “a habit of the heart.” Brother David Steindl-Rast, a Benedictine monk, reminds us that “gratefulness is the inner gesture of giving meaning to our life by receiving life as gift.” M. J. Ryan’s classic book, Attitudes of Gratitude supports the idea that gratitude is a stance we voluntarily take, and one we can adopt through the difficult seasons of life as well as the good ones. The daily practice of gratitude keeps the heart open regardless of what comes our way.
There are four portals – or entryways – to the experience of gratitude. Recognizing these portals at the time when they appear in our lives is key to developing the capacity to cultivate gratitude. Blessings are the primary, cross-cultural portal through which we experience gratitude. Learnings, mercies, and protections are three other portals attributed with fostering gratitude in various worldwide cultures.
Virtues are qualities that support the inherent goodness that resides within each human being. Gratitude is both a social and a theological virtue. The Hebrew scriptures, the New Testament, and the Qur’an all cite gratitude as central among virtues. Centuries ago, the philosopher Cicero argued that gratitude is the parent of all virtues, a virtue that begets other virtues. The cultivation of gratitude develops character, the embodiment of desired virtues. The advice to cultivate character by expanding one’s capacity for gratitude is time-honored wisdom. The art of maintaining a grateful disposition engenders other virtues such as generosity, humility, compassion, wisdom, joy, integrity, and trust. This disposition of mindfulness, of being aware of and thankful for our blessings, helps cultivate our virtues and significantly diminishes, or can even eradicate, any obstacles to gratitude we may face.
Blessings
Blessings are those experiences we hold as “the good” in our lives. The language of blessing is invocation, a calling forth. To bless is to sanctify; to recognize the presence of grace; to confer well-being or prosperity upon others; to endow; or invoke divine favor upon others or ourselves. Giving gratitude for our blessings is a way to recognize and honor them.
John O’Donohue writes in his book To Bless the Space Between Us, “The word blessing evokes a sense of warmth and protection; it suggests that no life is alone or unreachable. Each life is clothed in raiment of spirit that secretly links it to everything else. Though suffering and chaos befall us, they can never quench that inner light of providence.” Blessings are gifts that open doors to healing, connection, meaning, and transformation. Essentially, the world itself cannot exist without blessings.
Learnings
Whenever we are learning, we are growing. Often, what we are learning challenges us to stretch, to reexamine, and to rise to a new standard of excellence or skill level. We do not develop without learning. Our curiosity motivates exploration, risk, and facing the new or unfamiliar—all challenges that lead to learning. The meaning of the word “challenge,” from a cross-cultural point of view, is an invitation to grow or extend beyond what is presently knowable or familiar. It is interesting to note that in hindsight, we often refer to our challenges or learnings as blessings in disguise or wake-up calls.
We are continually learning about ourselves, each other, our immediate environments, our communities, and the world. “What did I learn today?” is a profound question. It is from our learnings that we are able to bring forward and understand what is meaningful for us. The poet and novelist Marge Piercy sums up the crucible of learning this way: “Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding is the third.” Our learnings and the understandings we derive from them form a universal portal that engenders gratitude for all the ways we learn, including initiation rituals or rites of passage that occur worldwide.
Mercies
To be merciful is to have a disposition of kindness and compassion that bestows unexpected forgiveness or clemency. Mercy alleviates distress through acts of charity or benevolence. Merciful acts generate thankfulness, both in those who have initiated the acts and those who have benefited from them.
Mercy and forgiveness are closely tied; forgiveness is an act of generosity and compassion that fosters mercy. When we extend acts of kindness and compassion to ourselves and others, we cultivate mercy and open more easily to our own forgiveness work––forgiving ourselves for the harm we have caused and forgiving those who have harmed us. Making amends and extending a genuine apology foster the experience of atonement, “at-one-ment.” Anyone who has ever received the gift of forgiveness knows that it is one of the greatest gifts they can receive, and their gratitude emerges spontaneously.
Protections
Inherent in all humans is the instinct to protect ourselves and others, especially those we love—to keep ourselves and others safe from harm, injury, or attack. Every culture has practices, prayers, rituals, and invocations for protection. Housewarmings are blessing and protection rituals, as are ribbon-cutting ceremonies: in cutting the ribbon before walking into a new workplace, we ask for blessings and protections to cut away the old and open to the new. Worldwide, parents bless their children to keep them safe, and remain vigilant in their efforts to keep them from harm. Feeling protected always engenders gratitude, and this is not limited to those who protect us in the seen world such as our elders, or others who may choose to watch out for us. We also call on the help of ancestors, the Mystery, and spiritual figures such as saints and angels for protection.
These universal portals of blessings, learnings, mercies, and protections offer the human spirit the gift of awareness, the ability to recognize all those things that can inspire gratitude amid the paradox of life’s happiness and suffering. As Robert Emmons reminds us in his book, Thanks!, whether we are happy or suffering, “Gratitude is the way the heart remembers––remembers kindnesses, cherished interactions with others, compassionate actions of strangers, surprise gifts, and everyday blessings. By remembering we honor and acknowledge the many ways in which who and what we are has been shaped by others, both living and dead.” We can understand the magnitude of gratitude’s power when we consider how the intention of thankfulness corresponds with the deepest human realities of connection, creativity, healing, and wholesomeness.
There are four common obstacles to a stance of gratitude. The chief assailants of gratitude are envy, greed, pride, and narcissism. Envy comes from the Latin word invidia (looking with malice or coveting what someone else has). Envy and jealousy are qualities that are fed by comparison. The more we compare ourselves to others, or desire what they have, the less satisfied we become with what we currently have; envy creates the perception of lack. As a result, envy also feeds greed—the temptation to hoard as a means of overcompensating for our perceived lack.
Envy and greed are upheld by the hubris and arrogance of pride, which Evagrius Ponticus described as “a tumor of the soul, when it ripens and ruptures, it creates a disgusting mess.” In many spiritual traditions it is thought that pride is the worst sin of all because it contains the seed of all other sins. This unhealthy form of pride contains an overpowering need for self-importance and vanity that holds oneself above all else—the law, any person, any faith. Pride, in turn, feeds the state of narcissism, the self-absorption of unsolved ambition and repressed anger that breeds a sense of entitlement and specialness.
All of these states serve as incubators for ingratitude. It is important to be aware of them and acknowledge them when they arise, but we need not fear that they carry the power to sabotage our gratitude practice. We each have the ability to shift our awareness to one of “grateful seeing”—noticing first what is working in our lives before dwelling on what we lack or desire but have not yet attained, or on our challenges or burdens. When we look first to the blessings, learnings, mercies, and protections that remain ever present in our lives no matter what our difficulties, it becomes increasingly difficult to sustain a state of ingratitude. Thoreau reminds us that “goodness is the only investment that never fails.” Gratitude, the parent of all virtues, is the most fertile ground for growing in virtue. It is our intention of leading a good life, combined with the generation of new perspectives and thoughts, that eradicates the excesses or temptations of avarice, greed, envy, and anger.
Martin Seligman, who has established the field of positive psychology, emphasizes that when we can approach life from the perspective of seeing what is working, without denying our current challenges or burdens, we can cultivate more positive thinking and thankfulness in our lives. Positive and realistic thoughts, plus looking at what is working in our lives, are reminders of how blessed we really are.
Gratitude awakens another way of being in the world, one that nurtures the heart and helps to create a life of meaning and purpose. The old barriers no longer confine us and the old fears no longer constrict or claim us. Gratitude opens us to freedom, a sense of generosity, and connection to the wider world.
The human spirit is always reaching for the reclamation of its own well-being. The practice of gratitude provides healing and enhances our inherent nature. The journey that lies before us holds unlimited possibilities filled with blessings, learnings, mercies, and protections waiting our discovery. May this journey be marked by unexpected gifts and insights, and an ever expanding awareness and renewed connections to the very best in ourselves, in others, and in life itself.
What we appreciate, appreciates.
