In the coaching that I do, I often come into contact with the idea of “exposure,” or rather, how the things an individual is exposing themself to influences their thoughts and actions. In my experience with influencing others, I’ve found that exposure is a very key ingredient… Probably THE key ingredient to learning.
To learn is to follow nature’s pattern. To follow nature’s pattern, we have to see directly into life,
harnessing the very elements of design: creative action, movement, and the unfolding of life on the way to our potential. In the moment, that potential comes from exposure.
So if I sit on a tree stump in the forest and I’m exposed to the ecosystem of the forest,
it’s not because just the forest is there. I’m unblocking my receptivity to hold it, to see it, and for it to see me. If I’m a scuba diver and I want to see more, instead of being poorly buoyant and kicking around my fins, pushing water in all directions, I quietly place myself where I’m not disturbing anything.
In this non-disturbing presence, I begin to see more because I’m not perturbing the things around me.
The backpacker says that if I pack less, I will see more…
So what’s missing? What prevents us from seeing what we need to see?
Intentional presence increases the potency of exposure. What’s missing is what we expect or take for granted. We miss details when our attention is drawn away from the present moment, and inhibit our exposure when we get lost in controlling the future.
We can also get lost in avoiding what we don’t want, turning off our ability to be fully present when we seek to avoid pain. We tune out and suppress that quality of our attention for fear of exposing ourselves to danger or pain.
I find that when humans expose themselves to even the most difficult things, they activate their
innate intelligence. They activate a system within that they didn’t know they had, and find that they can meet the truth head on.
In 2017, my best friend took his own life. At first, I did everything I could to negate my exposure to that painful reality. I tried to shield myself, tried to get out of my body, and tried to avoid the truth.
People do this when they take a drink and modify their mood. We try to limit our exposure to reality by escaping, immersing ourselves in distractions that keep us busy but don’t reflect the real world – the good and the bad that exist in harmony all around us.
Eventually, I came to a place where I could expose myself to the truth of what was
going on, and I found that in doing so, I experienced an ability to hold steady – an ability to stay tuned into even the most difficult, emotional, stinging moments… And I know in my heart that everyone has the ability to do the same.
You can hold an unforced space of non-disturbed exposure and experience reality as it truly is. I learned this gift and as I bent the beam back to myself… That I didn’t have to like the pain, but I could meet it as part of my lived experience and as part of reality worthy of my attention.
In that sense, the pain became a teacher and a guide. It’s not as if we’re waiting for pain or seeking it out. No, of course not… No one likes to go through hardship and difficulty, but you still have to go through it.
You have to go through it, that is, if you want to move into the intelligence of negativity and understand what it can offer you. With undisturbed observation of reality, including the painful parts, you can meet the negativity you experience without going internally negative.
You can learn from negative experiences not by shielding yourself from them, but rather by exposing yourself to them and making space for yourself to move through them. The classic cliche “what you resist will persist” is very true, so we heal and learn not by resisting, but by accepting. Exposing yourself to the spectrum of reality, including pain and unpleasant experiences, is an act of honoring the present and meeting the world as it truly is.
So, what are the elements in your life-building spectrum right now?
Look around you. Where are you resisting exposure, and where could you offer yourself a direct perception of that space? Maybe it’s your family system. Maybe it’s one environment in your life that feels out of balance. Maybe you’re tolerating that you shouldn’t continue, but have gone on so long that it’s hard to see another way… And maybe it’s time to expose yourself to the discomfort (and growth) of no longer accepting it.
Sometimes we have to be exposed to pain to understand the full range of our potential. We often tend to downsize a problem or a situation as a way of controlling it. We “de-expose” ourselves to the trouble in our lives by not looking at it, as if it’s going to go away by itself.
This is the same sentiment as “don’t go to the doctor, you’ll find out that you’re sick.” But when, for example, you get your blood work done, the results expose you to the truth of your current health, and thats sets you free into a new course of action. Armed with the information of reality, you can make informed choices instead of relying on wishful thinking (which often includes avoiding or denying some aspect of truth that might be uncomfortable to accept).
What are we minimizing or denying? What can we expose ourselves to that offers the full weight of what is true and what is yet to be seen?
Sometimes we have to give ourselves a chance to stay longer, listen deeper, and probe into the full spectrum of reality so that we are able to comprehend it… Not just with our minds, but seeing and sensing with our hearts.
Our attention offers us an activation from our hearts and a path for assigning meaning. Therefore, we find directionality in holding unforced space to expose ourselves to our inner intelligence. Exposure has an interesting companion, too, a resource that’s waiting in the wings called wisdom.
Wisdom is what surfaces when we have more direct exposure, whether that’s to painful moments in life or the quietude of the forest. Exposure is an access point. The wisdom we gain is an inner guide that provides directionality.
Our instinct, found in the undisturbed observation of exposure, gives us essential information, but it’s not a fortune teller. It’s not a predictor. It’s part of the whole that is enabled through us, the whole that makes contact with the basic goodness that’s in each of us. This goodness turns toward us, then asks us to turn toward it and expand.
Through patient exposure, even when it’s unpleasant, we find important questions to ponder: What can I do? What am I in service to? How can I help? What’s my next move? What’s my next step?
And we keep moving in the spirit of that wisdom, sensing something that’s more integrated and more honest. We discover that life offers itself to us in the business of creating life through our exposure to reality as it truly is.
