Let’s talk about motivation. When we think about what motivates us, there are some grave misunderstandings about why we do the things we do – particularly when it comes to personal changes and development.
What lights the fire? How do we light the fire in ourselves, and is it possible to light it in others?
So often, we try to motivate ourselves through negativity. We see shortcomings in ourselves and try to use them as reasons to do things differently. We approach the “problem” from a place of discontentment, and will ourselves to be different people to “solve” what we think is wrong with us…
We think we aren’t good enough, aren’t successful enough, aren’t skilled enough…
To find this kind of motivation, we invent a problem, then manipulate ourselves into fixing it.
But all of this is looking outward for external approval, for some arbitrary mark of social approval. We seek validation and try to self-criticize our way into being liked and accepted, assuming that others are paying much closer attention to us than they actually are.
Our fear of humiliation lights our fire because we want to fit in – creating a world of outside perception to obscure internal reality.
We seek motivation from a place of negativity – trying to fix what we don’t have – but this is an act of violence against ourselves that A: doesn’t last, and B: doesn’t actually “fix” anything.
In the audio presentation below, I share the inspiring story of a client of mine, a doctor who was hung up on the need to be more charismatic, and looking for external ways to “fix the problem” based on the assumption that good doctors also have charisma.
He couldn’t get out of his own way. He saw himself as the problem. He assumed he had some deficit and that people were judging him, which prevented him from opening himself up and truly seeing his colleagues and patients as full, imperfect people – just like we all are.
Through some candid discussions and some open-hearted practice, he began to let go of these judgments, and things started to change on their own. Not through force, not through a desire to be different or better, but through engagement with the world around him free from assumptions and expectations.
By putting his focus on OTHERS instead of himself, he became more vulnerable, more authentic, and opened a path for trust and connection, and in doing so, his patients saw him as more charismatic as a byproduct.
Remember that there is nobody to be. You already are. When we let go of TRYING to be somebody from a place of negative judgment, we can truly become ourselves.
All of this stems from a preoccupation with self and the incorrect assumption that we need to change for the approval of others. Our mental models and modes of thinking get in the way of discovery, of moving with openness.
To light your fire, PARTICIPATE in life instead of maneuvering and manipulating yourself through it.
I share this story so you can bend the beam toward yourself, and use it to examine how you might be engaging in similar behavior… And see how getting out of the way is a far more effective motivator than trying to force a change you think you need to impose.
Great leadership isn’t about fixing yourself – it’s about building connection and allowing yourself to be authentic. You find this by treating others as legitimate, fully complex people – and doing the same for yourself.
Be a great soul, live your best life, make an impact, and learn to receive.
