We know from experience that we can’t control everything. It’s a fact of life that we encounter time and time again, whether it’s an unsuccessful attempt to change someone else’s behavior or feeling helpless about something happening far outside our realm of influence.
We can accept that as part of reality, but more importantly, we can catalyze that fact into a powerful way of interacting with the world – which is precisely what I want to talk to you about today.
I call this idea “ungripping,” a way of thinking and behaving that opens the door for creativity and connection. In the audio presentation below, I’ll get into more detail (and a wonderful example presented by the movie Castaway), but let’s cover the core elements here.
Ungripping includes 4 kinds of “letting,” each of which is an important part of the process.
Let Go
We hear this phrase a lot, but in the context of ungripping, it’s the foundational act.
Letting go means unwrapping your fingers from how you want things to be, a conscious choice to change your mind about thoughts of control, forcing change, or imposing your will on something external.
This isn’t making excuses or allowing yourself to feel powerless, but acknowledging that controlling behavior has no place with that particular thing you’re letting go of – outcomes, attitudes, events, or anything else.
When you let go, you remove your judgments and preconceptions, which allows you to move to the next “let.”
Let Be
Letting be is accepting things as they really are. It’s just telling the truth, and not imposing our mental models on the world. This is regulating judgment, seeing preconceived ideas as models in our minds, not the actual state of the world.
By being comfortable with our own ignorance and suspending assumptions to simply let things be as they are, we get closer to radical acceptance instead of fighting reality.
Let Come
When we ungrip (fueled by letting go and letting be), we nurture a dynamic process that allows things to come to us naturally. We release one thing, and something new appears: the potential of the moment.
As we release our desire for control, quieting our mental models and expectations, we gain a new perspective on the here and now – including opportunities that we couldn’t see before.
Once we’re letting things come to us naturally, we can be open enough for the last “let” of the ungripping philosophy.
Let In
To truly let things in, we need to be open to mystery and uncertainty. We need to embrace that which we do not see entirely, and act on behalf of the moment – not a desired outcome.
This ability comes from an inner knowing that what we’re doing feels right. We don’t need to know the destination, just that we’re moving in accordance with what matters most and letting in all of the richness life has to offer… Even when we don’t fully understand.
Life is complex. Along any path, we will encounter confusion and conflict. By ungripping, we can learn to let possibilities in, make space for magical moments, for other people, and for the constant change all around us.
When we stop holding on to our expectations and assumptions so tightly, we begin to see the world as it is instead of how we want it to be… And when we’re in harmony with reality, the possibilities are endless.
Simplify to multiply. Let go to let come.
